you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
