yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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