ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
