i jhust puked up my retainher.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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