GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
