i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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