omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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