I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
