we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
