weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
