Betty ford says i'm here all night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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