8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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