And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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