sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
