ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
