she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
