nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
