the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
