***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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