I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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