I want to make a zoo with you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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