Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he quoted the bible to break up with me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
