Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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