nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
