I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
