Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
