guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
