How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
