I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was born a porn star she said
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
