I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
