look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
