He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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