Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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