I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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