I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
