Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
