do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
3 2 1 whiskey
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
