i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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