the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
