Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
