My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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