just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
