pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
