where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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