I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
