I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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