He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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