i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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