Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
