YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
