Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
