I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
