So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When are your genitals available?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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